Per request (in other words, this is all Ian's fault), here's a picture of the toe:
As you can see, it really doesn't look that bad. OK, all the toes look bad, but only one of them hurts. It's the fourth toe with the issues. It feels like a mashed it repeatedly with a hammer. Or ran 26.2 miles on pavement. One or the other. Pretty certain the nail will be falling off.
So, there you have it. Hopefully, you're not eating.